May 22, 2015

A Conversation

This summer we again have the privilege of being spiritual mentors to young men and women at a YMCA in the beautiful mountains of Colorado.  However, we just had an unexpected and inconvenient situation arise the day before leaving.   We've had both vehicles in the garage for expensive repairs repeatedly these past couple months.  After just getting one out, the other would go in.

And now... the bad news that we can't safely drive one of the vehicles.  We have to leave it behind to be fixed.  

My heart quickly complained, and I had a freak-out-moment.

But then I asked the Lord to speak to me from His Word.  "Have no anxiety about anything..."

"I AM NOT anxious," I replied, slightly irritated.  "I'm just... well, overwhelmed with details and having to re-plan the packing, since we can't take everything I'd planned on taking.  And I'm tired of packing and thinking about packing!  I'm NOT worried, just overwhelmed... overwhelmed by details.  I'm rather disquieted, perturbed, antsy, concerned, bothered.   Hmm, I guess I am anxious.  I don't want to be.  I want to be calm and thankful, at peace.  But I've spent much of the week organizing, list-making and packing, in the midst of spending time with the people I shall miss most over the summer weeks.  I've prayed for others not to stress.  And now, I'm the one stressing.  Please speak to me."

David's words in Psalm 61 echoed in my mind:  "Hear my cry, O God: attend to my prayer.  From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I; for thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings.  Selah."

"So David turned to You when he was overwhelmed.  I'm turning to You now.  I need You to be my shelter.  I need to be close to You.  I need to trust in You.  But how shall I stop being overwhelmed and anxious?  How do I find shelter in You?  How do I trust You?  What do I replace my anxiety with?"

"Talk to me.  Ask for what you want and give thanks.  And since I'm the God of peace, I will give you peace, which you cannot comprehend, and I shall keep your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:6-7)

"Ok, Lord.  Here goes:  I want You to protect me from my enemies, which are mostly my own thoughts and clouded perspective.  Protect me from thinking everything has to be the way I want it to be.  Protect me from thinking I'm in charge of everything. Protect me from thinking that the unexpected is my enemy.

"I want You to cover me in peace; protect my attitude; help me get everything done; help me to focus on others.  And I want You to help me be thankful.

"I am thankful that we have two vehicles, and the money to repair them... Thank You that our vehicles can be repaired!  Thank You that we will only be three hours away and can come back in a couple weeks to reclaim this vehicle, this gift from Your hand.  Thank You for protecting us from driving in the mountains in an unsafe vehicle.  Thank You for my husband, who is taking this in stride, and NOT freaking out.  Thank You for your abundant provision for us.

"Thank You for understanding your slow-to-learn and often stubborn daughter.  And thank You for speaking to my overwhelmed and anxious heart.  Amen."